Life was good. Living in a state of blissful ignorance, not focusing on anything but the person with whom you shared life. Spending all free time together without a second thought, the two of you had a connection that was stronger than anything you had ever experienced before, a bond unlike anything else. They were the world, the oxygen that filled your lungs, the blood that ran course through your veins.
And, then they left. Without warning, that person decided to leave, abandoning the relationship without looking back, and it turned your world upside down. It felt as though they ripped the beating heart from your chest, and threw it far off into the ocean. You were left feeling some combination of furious and anger, sadness and disappointment, heartbreak, and then, nothing, falling numb. Without them, the person who had become your everything, your entire world, you were not sure as to how you’d be able to live without them. You couldn’t envision a future that didn’t have them in it, and all of the plans you made together filled your head. Old memories, reminders of inside jokes and laughter and love swarmed around you like flies that wouldn’t cease, popping up everywhere you went, no matter how much you tried to escape. There was no future without them, and if there was one, it was not one that you wanted or could even imagine. But, you had no choice. You might not have known, at the time, how to live without this person, but one way or another, you would have to learn.
There is a deep, and fervid feeling of loneliness. You feel this void within, a missing piece of your shattered heart, and this feeling of being alone sinks in. You are alone for the first time in a long time, and at first, it terrifies you. You have forgotten what it is like to be on your own, in every sense imaginable, and at first you don’t know what to do. That person defined you, and it takes being buried neck-deep in this void, this strong feeling of loneliness, to realize that this wasn’t a good thing. You have come face to face with yourself in the mirror, staring back at the reflection and realize that you didn’t even know who you were looking at. Now, it was up to you to once again define yourself, decide what is important to you, and both find and create yourself. Then, and only then, will you recognize the person staring back at you and smile, for you knew them inside and out. You would learn to be alone again, and to make yourself happy, without expecting anyone else to do it for you.
Sometimes, it turns out that the one person who gave you the world, who was the absolute center of the universe, was also the one holding you back from becoming the person you were meant to be. There is so much life to be experienced, and sure, some things might have been experienced together. You made incredible memories, and shared things that could not have been shared with anyone else. But, there are also a great number of things that must be experienced apart. You will experience new things with new people, and a new person who might become the new light of your life, or might only be a dim flicker. No matter what and who and for how long, though, these memories will be as beautiful and meaningful and important to you, and your life, and you becoming, well, you. Everything that we experience in this lifetime shapes us, molding us into the person that we are meant to be, and seldom can one take a big bite out of life and really experience all of it with one person, and one person only.
Being alone is the only true way to figure out who you are. You have time to learn more about yourself, to explore different passions and parts of you, to think and self-reflect. When you were with that person, everything was about them, only because you loved them so much, that you wanted to give them the world and everything in it. You wanted to give them so much, such a large part of you, that at the end of the day, there was none left for yourself. Now, there is all of that energy to channel into loving and taking care of you, taking yourself out on dates to your favorite places, watching movies and doing face masks and spending quality time with yourself, and feeding into every single one of your wants and desires. You have the freedom to move freely in life, wherever and to whatever you’d like, without repercussion, and have an open mind to everything.
But, more than anything, I can tell you that the best thing to come out of a breakup is the moment that you realize you are the sun, not them. Before, you’d tell them, and boast to others that they were the sun, the source of all light and happiness in life, and as long as you had them you’d forever live in sunshine. But, what you failed to realize is that light and happiness brought on by someone else, even if it is a significant other, is not enough, it is not fulfilling, and it should not be the primary source of light in your life. You are your own sun, and you were shining on your own for all this time, but you were too blinded by the light of someone else to see that. You do not need their light to shine, or be brilliant. You never do, you never did, and you never will. You are brilliant when standing alone, radiating a light from within that will never burn out. You beam upon entering a room, giving off a contagious light that everyone else admires, a light that is bright enough to fill the entire room, without the help of anyone else. Sometimes, it takes being in a room alone, and not having that second source of light to remember how brilliant and capable you are of shining, of being amazing. You are the sun, darling. They were merely a star in the sky. You were a star in theirs, and as bright and important they were, that is all they were. You will continue to shine without them, and shine brighter than ever before if you so choose to, because you, my dear, are the sun.
You will be better for this, alone and as a future partner. You will look back on that broken, fragile human being, who thought their life was ending because someone was leaving, and realize how strong you are now, how far you have come. You have grown more than one could ever put into words, had a positive change in perspective, and see the world with more clarity than ever before. No longer is there a dependence on anyone else for happiness or self-worth or self-definition, because you have come to do that all on your own. You have learned how to be alone without that feeling of loneliness, that void that was once there has now been filled with self-love. You will be stronger, more grounded, and more in tune with who you are, and what you want out of life, and who you want to be, than you were back then. You will realize that, much to your surprise, it is possible to be even happier alone than you were with them.
It is a powerful and positive thing to be the center of your own universe, rather than depending on someone else to be. Going through a wretched, painful heartache is one of the most difficult things one can endure, but I can assure you that no matter how long it takes, and no matter how much it might hurt, you will come out stronger from it. There is a sense of independence that one regains after being in a passionate, committed relationship, and being able to focus on you and only you is a beautiful thing that no one should ever feel bad or shameful or weird for. You might find that it took that person leaving for you to come to terms with the fact that you no longer knew who you were, and really needed to take time to figure that out again. Then, once you do, there is a realization that being sure of who you are, and being open to growth is, after all, the source of all light and happiness.
Not all days are easy, and some days you will miss them more than anything, and those days are really, really rough. That is normal, and expected, and that will happen from time to time for a long time. But, those times are limited, and outnumbered by the times when you can’t help but smile at where you are in life, and who you are becoming. Remember that even on the darkest days, even if you fail to see it, you are beautiful and brilliant and shine like no other. You are the sun, always.